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The Designer Husband

By: Callie Hutton

We’ve all heard of designer dogs. Take two purebred dogs from different breeds and mate them. Voila! A designer dog.

Every time I start a new book I get to “design” a new hero. Height, hair color, eye color, alpha-ness. But the best part is when I decide on his faults and his assets. It got me to thinking—wouldn’t it be great to design your husband?

Hey honey, I love your hair, but I think I’ll make your eyes startling blue. Then throw a dimple in your left cheek (his face, ladies.) I’m short, so I think I’ll make you an inch or two shorter so I don’t have to stare at your shirt buttons when we dance. Take off a few years, a few pounds, add a few muscles.

But the best part is his faults. My designer husband knows exactly what I’m thinking, so there’s never a miscommunication. Of course, I can turn that off so he doesn’t know all my thoughts. Especially when I’m reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

He never forgets an anniversary or birthday. And no gift would ever have to be returned. It would be the right size (now in a real designer husband, he would get the right size, cut out the size tag and replace it with a smaller size tag.) All right, maybe that’s a bit much.

Household chores would be done without them being pointed out. At least once a month he would speak softly in my ear: “Honey, take the night off. I’ll do dinner, load the dishwasher and give the kids their bath.”

He would find candy with no calories, send fresh flowers that never died. On the other hand, this designer husband sounds boring. I need someone to lash out at when I’m having a bad day. How can you lash out at a man who stands there smiling at you no matter what?

I may have to re-think this whole thing. Designer husbands are probably better kept between the pages of a book.

What do you think? What would your designer husband be like?